I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
