Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
