i just wanna soil my oats bro
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
she woke up with a sticky ear
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
