After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I AM VODKA MAN
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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