God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
