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her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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