I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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