I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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