and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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