'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I need to align my fucking chakras
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
