FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Someone shattered a urinal.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize