Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
