Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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