That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
