So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize