i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
