All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
