This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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