Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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