I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
