Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
