i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
