I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
we're so committed to being not committed
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
