The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
