I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
