What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
