I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
