I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
