tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
