Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
