I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
