I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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