Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
