Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
