well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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