What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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