dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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