best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
