My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
