even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize