alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
