I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
