I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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