I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
