So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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