I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
