you traded sex for a burrito?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
