i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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