i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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