All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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