You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize