i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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