I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
