I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
this just has baby written all over it
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
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