I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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