My balls are so social today.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
