Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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