Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Randomize
