went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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