You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
