i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
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