Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
