im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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