If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
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