if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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