i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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