Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
