Your mouth is God's brothel.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
