Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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