I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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