All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
