The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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