one two three fourrrrnication!
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
